To eat or not to eat...

So I've been having this little issue with about 30 lbs. I can't shake it...well I can shake it...but not in a good way. I have never been over weight in my life, but since having the last 2 of my 4 children and giving up my lovely smoking habit, I'm stuck. I used to live on coffee and nicotine...not at all healthy but it keep my very thin none the less. I wouldn't say I'm healthy now either. Even though I have forced myself into healthier lifestyle I don't feel any better with the extra "curves". I have never been one to exercise. I have no problem ripping out a sub floor, painting, doing lawn work, fixing stuff, staying busy and active etc...exercise on purpose...not so much. I have always wanted to be a "runner" but I am the poster child for that saying "if you see me running you better run because it means something big and scary is chasing me". I think about that and even if the creepy clown carrying a chainsaw is chasing me, after a very short time, I would just have to stop him and negotiate or something. Can you give the chubby girl with weak ankles a break or something? Here's some chocolate. I don't know. I have no problem controlling what my family eats and I have made some really good changes. I haven't eaten red meat or pork in years...I don't like it. I have made strides in getting closer to becoming a complete vegetarian and my ultimate goal is to become a vegan. I believe that is the healthiest lifestyle. My problem is sweets...and carbs. I love big crusty bread and starchy soups and ice cream and chocolate and anything sweet and salty and snacky and I could go on. AND to top it off I think my metabolism is broken     : /....yeah I'm pretty sure it is...I can feel it rev up like an old Buick every morning but it only works until about breakfast...I think. *Sigh* it's hell getting old. All I can do is keep trying. For once in my life I wish I would just stick to a routine...get up, exercise and get on with it.. but no, I just am not a morning person...even my husband is afraid of me before coffee, and to try and squeeze it in somewhere after that is not eva.. gonna.. happen. I realize diets don't work...that it's needs to be a way of life...but it kinda makes me sad..I used to be able to down a full super sized big mac meal when I was younger (of course I wouldn't eat for 3 days after that) and I never gained an once. Those days are over. I got it. But this is so hard...People pat me on the back and say "you look great for having 4 kids!" which is just another way of saying ...your fat sweetie but at least you have an excuse :) I know, I know, people mean well.. but I guess I'm just a little crabby because I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. I think I decided to write about this because maybe just maybe, by putting it out there, I will somehow have to face the fact I need to change...now.